CHAPTER 6 - THE BEGINNING: THE BRIDGE TO... Part IV

JAKE...COME GITCHA BOY! 

PLEASE

(wipes eyes and face).

________________________________________

I remember:

We left the old bridge that first day and walked back to my house. Rather my parents house. When we got there, it was quiet. GOOD, and we made our way down to the Rec Room and one of the big overstuffed leather couches...

and sat, after I got us cokes from the refrigerator behind the wet bar.

I love to come down here. It's a wonderfully cozy and warm room...even considering it is a huge room...with the paneled walls and the plush pile carpeting, the massive upholstered couches and chairs, the really large wet bar with a full kitchen and liquor/wine vault behind it.

I have a computer down here so I can do my writing and stuff. I also have a studio next to this room with a big synthesizer, a drum set, and I write a lot of my music in there just as 

I did when Jake was ali...

OKAY...

We sat pressed up against each other, 
and it was kinda like it had been out on the bridge. Not so much talking as just being. 
Being together. Being close, 
loving the feeling...

and wanting it never to end.

I know I sure as heck didn't and I soon knew Jake didn't either. Funny, nobody has ever EVER made me feel like he did. 

THAT is how I knew. I could FEEL him, 

FEEL what he felt almost always and 

what he was thinking, 

FEEL his emotions, and yeh. Almost eerie 

I suppose and yet NOT. You know? Not at all, but I think we both knew this was not in any way commonplace. Not telepathy, or even empathic exactly...just feeling him. Knowing him so deeply and so intimately, and...

God.

What I wouldn't give...

Anyway ( I promised myself I was NOT going to cry all the way through telling all this but...
I may break my promise. 
But I will try not to and I DO promise that.)

We sat pressed together with our legs and thighs and hips almost one, and it felt...

SOO FUCKING GOOD!

He had one arm up around my shoulders and was holding my left hand with his. God, I was so freaky full of a boatload of emotions, 
I think I lost ten pounds 
from all the vibrating.

You know what though?

I wonder sometimes how in the HELL I knew. How HE knew...so fast. SO fast. But in the end who cares. We did and it was real and honest and so filled with...this feeling of 

'THIS IS SOO RIGHT'. 
SO good and SO RIGHT. Yeh.

TENDERNESS, too.

Yeh, that's it. Jake was always so tender 
with and to me. 

Gentle. Loving. Caring. 

There was NEVER any malice nor 

'Little Mr. Attitude' with him. Only his sweetness and tenderness and genuine love 

and he was just SO damned good inside. 

Decent you know? 

Just sweet and nothing put on. Not at all. 

SO few people, SO few young DUDES especially are like that. Maybe most 
never were, but he was 
and it was intoxicating. 

Sensual, he was. and Yes. 

INCREDIBLY SEXY.

(There I said it and yes he was),

and when you consider Jake had plenty 

of reason to be full of himself and 

jocky jerky and all that crap, 

it's a miracle he wasn't. At all.

Athletic (football, Track and 
Varsity swimmer like me.) 

Musical 
(Keyboards like me and also guitar like me, 
and he also was pretty good on an alto sax. BOY could we make music together. 
More ways than one too. HAH.

I had always also been a singer and so was he and when I found that out a couple days after we met? I about ignited.

WHOO HOO

and it was amazing how many things we shared. Horses, dogs and cats 
and animals in general.

Walks in the country which was a good thing since I had always lived here and his parents had built a new home across the highway and down a bit on land that used to belong to my family. Lots of things...and we explored it all, and as much as we could, life. 

WE EXPLORED LIFE. We were both inordinately curious and inquisitive and full of questions. Jake and I loved life and we both saw it as a big adventure and the planet 
as ours to visit and like all of the 
explorers of old, 
we always wanted to do that.

BRIGHT...GOD was Jake bright. Quick, you know? Quick-witted. Nimble of mind, and almost scary so, hah, which I found hysterical since I had been accused of being scary bright all my life. Wrong resume I am sure, but hey...

We just fit together seamlessly and we knew it.
 From that first day he and I just knew 
we fit and I know we both felt 
we always would. We never questioned it.

Do you know what it is like to find that one person who truly cares? 

Who can and will 
and does love you?

There is no other feeling quite like it and

no matter if they are not the best-looking person on the planet although God knows he was. Or the sharpest knife in the drawer and again he was. But no matter if they are not 
who your parents or your friends
might have picked for you. Who cares? 
It's your life and I say 

GO WITH THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU, WHO TREATS YOU RIGHT, AND WHO YOU KNOW WILL STICK AND NEVER LEAVE YOU.

Sex? Highly overrated. But LOVE? 

Go for it baby. LOVE 
and out of that, commitment. 

THAT is what will get you through to the end. Sex? Nope. Based on looks or lust/need and when the looks go and the temporary need betrays you to go with another and then another, and then? You are old and have wasted years chasing something that is as elusive as cartoon smoke.

GO WITH THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU.

GO WITH THE ONE WHO WOULD TAKE 
A BULLET FOR YOU. 

FUCK the ones who only want from you 
but never ever ever put back, and I don't give 
a crap how big their penis is or their boobs are. What in the end does that matter? 

Answer, it does not. It does not matter in the slightest.

If you truly love someone for who they are, 
the rest comes naturally and it is 
sooo much better 
than the surface bullpucky.

The one who will sit in the rocker with you
when you are old and ugly and love you anyway?

THAT is a love worth keeping. 

A PERSON worth keeping 

and if you are STUPID enough?

BRAIN DEAD enough?  

That you don't see that then I feel REALLY sorry for you. You will never be happy.

I had this WONDROUS OMG down deep to my toes kinda love with Jake and I knew it. Why do you think I miss it and him so much and what I can't help but wonder...

what do I do now? 

WHAT IN THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?

I am too much of a coward to ever 

commit suicide...
I think, but...

Maybe that is why I am telling you all this. 

It's hard, trust me. Reliving all this is excruciatingly painful, but I gotta try. 

Cause I am afraid if I don't...

That is what i thought when I thought about writing a book about Jake and me.

Course, that was before my encounter on that wonderful old bridge. The second one.

The bridge...the place where all of this all started and even before 

that first day with Jake 

it had given me so much...and now? 

It has given me my life back...

and then some.

But, I get ahead of myself. Sorry.

TO CONTINUE: