CHAPTER 5 - THE BEGINNING: THE BRIDGE TO...Part III

I suspect that by now if you have been paying attention you realize that meeting Jake was earth-shattering. Profound oh yes and it should be clear that he had an enormous impact on me.

Impact is what it felt like too. Like being hit without warning by a fast-moving train, and that warp-speed ton-of-bricks falling on me feeling really never has gone away.

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We stood. We just stood silently almost like a tableau...on that old bridge, literally nose to nose for over an hour before I think either one of us took a breath.

It was ONE HELL of an experience and one that in my young (16 year old) life had never happened to me before. As it turned out not for him (17...almost) either and I decided early on with him that I really liked that idea. 

Virgins, both of us. Not just sex mind you but in relationships. That suited me just fine and him too. That way there was nothing we could compare each other to. No histories to get past and memories to forget or deal with or whatever. In a sense, Jake and I were kind of clean slates. Not perhaps pristine as our mothers would have attested to I am sure, laughingly, but...

Like I said, we just stood there for the longest time. Our noses and lips almost touching. Our bodies SO close. It was intoxicating. We really didn't talk either.

It felt like we didn't have to you know? 
We just stood like we were in front of the biggest milkshake on the planet, and drank...and drank, and drank. I never wanted to hear that squoooork sound the straw makes when it hits bottom either.

I NEVER wanted this to end and the longer it lasted the more I wanted this to be forever. I WANTED HIM. Oh GOD I wanted him, again not so much sexually although...but him. 

Everything was him now and he was everything to me. Without a word being spoken we had quietly and almost from the moment we saw each other just gone BAM! INSIDE! 

We became one. We merged until we knew we belonged to each other now. Hard to describe but we just sorta smooshed.

For over an hour we stood with the gentle breezes kinda making us sway a bit against each other which made the goosepimples get bigger, and that wasn't all but...in the way that two sixteen year olds finding love and sensuality and all the rest and who know ONE THING! THIS IS IT! 

We have come home to us now and forever it is...like we were feeling the passion we knew went really really deep...and oh damn did it ever feel good.

Finally, a really warm stiff breeze came along and did a not so subtle push and we really moved into each other, and at that precise moment we were oh so ready. Suddenly our lips found each others. Found forever. Found heaven. Found forever!

OMG.

It was PURE hunger that took over. I swear to God, and Jake tasted like the elixir from the angels you read about, only this was real and even tastier methinks. 

Thank God I had thought to brush and rinse before coming down here and I always have wondered why. Yeh. Musta been one of them premonition thingies. HAH.

He tasted SOO fucking good he did and felt even better...all pressed hard against me and I was giving it right back oh yeh. This was definitely hunger of a sort and yeh I said that before but so what. BITE ME. LOL, and he did. Not bites exactly, but God could that boy nibble. Munch out like he hadn't eaten for days and I was the buffet. WHOO HOO!

Well, I am tasty yah know. Calorie-free and fat-free (God knows) and all fresh and nibbly. Yep. Hee. 6'1" and124 pounds of PURE tasty. Yep. Skinny jeans and all and believe me when I say I was permanently nibbled on for a very long time too. 

I even had to wear turtlenecks on the warmest days all through August cause I was one hellatiously big hickey cheek to cheek and my neck looked like I was wearing an ebony choker. I swear yup. Silly goosies that we was. Let me just add HIS neck wasn't exactly un-tampered with EITHER. Hah. But them turtlenecks?

Finally I thought. Fuck it. This dude is MY Jake and who gives a crap. Everybody knows how it is with us and don't care, so? So what. 

(That by the way was a watershed moment for me. I am kind of a prude when it comes to public displays of affection, 
or at least always had been. Just made me uncomfortable, but you know what? 
Not any more. Not with Jake. Nope. 
I WANTED people to see US, how it is with us...and if they got a problem? It's THEIR problem. Period. So from that first day on, we didn't really ever talk about it either. Honest, but we walked hand-in-hand EVERYWHERE. We smooched. We nuzzled and we didn't care. It was US now, and so be it. People who loved me loved US. If they didn't...so be it. God how proud we both were of each other, and us.

Course Jake was new to the area. His dad had just gotten an executive position with a big drug company here, and so they were newbies, Jake too...and his younger twin brothers. The oldest of the four was a girl who was already in college.

Yeh. By now we were good to go as they say and suddenly I wanted to. It was beginning to be quite dark down at that old bridge although I swear Jake and I were neon. LOL. I think that whole bridge was glowing in the dark, and heat lightning was lighting up the sky overhead.

YAHOO.

But now? I wanted to sit with him, talk with and to him, learn about him, know everything there is to know about him...consume him, and BOY did I want him to consume me. Not even Jesus ever had a better 'Last Supper' like I knew we would have dessert included, but I knew this wasn't the last one, not hardly...but the first one. First of MANY...and in truth, we never ate apart again. Nor did we ever sleep in separate beds either. Just the way it was. Like I said, Jake and I? 

GOOD TO GO!

Jake and I? We merged that day...and night, and it was sooooooo beautiful that it still brings me to tears just thinking about it, and remembering it.

CRY?

Now? Yeh, I cry. I cry ALL the time. Endlessly...it hurts so fucking bad.

No him? No US?

OH GOD...why?
PLEASE can't someone just tell me that? WHY?

This achy grinding pain in my heart just won't go away and the Godawful emptiness just freaks my heart and soul out. NOT FAIR...NOT FAIR HONEY SWEET BOY.

OG JAKE...OH MY SWEET BOY...JAKE..

GOD DAMN I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH, 
SO WHY CAN'T YOU COME BACK TO ME...

OR

maybe I should go to you, huh?

JAKE?

COME TAKE ME HOME WITH YOU, JAKE.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I JUST CAN'T STAND THE LONELINESS AND THIS EMPTY FEELING INSIDE ME ANY MORE.
JAKE...PLEASE.

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE...Jake, Honey.

COME GITTME. COME GITCHA BOY, JAKEY!
HONEY? BABY? PLEASE? 

Please come git the one who loves yah, JAKE!

GOD...I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH JAKEY.
GOD DAMN IT...

and the tears fall like a river of sadness
down the cheeks...and that heartbreaking achy just refuses to go away. The bleeding of love into a rivulet of numb...just keeps on going.


GOD...make IT STOP! 
PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY!

God hears...and eventually.